What happens if i spank my child

The more he misbehaves, the more he gets spanked and the worse he feels. The cycle continues. We want the child to know that he did wrong, and to feel remorse, but to still believe that he is a person who has value. One of the goals of disciplinary action is to stop the misbehavior immediately, and spanking may do that.

Alternatives to spanking can be much more thought-and-conscience-provoking for a child, but they may take more time and energy from the parent. There is confusion in the ranks of people of Judeo-Christian heritage who, seeking help from the Bible in their effort to raise godly children, believe that God commands them to spank. In our counseling experience, we find that these people are devoted parents who love God and love their children, but they misunderstand the concept of the rod.

Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death. At first glance, these verses may sound pro-spanking. But you might consider a different interpretation of these teachings.

The Hebrew dictionary gives this word various meanings: a stick for punishment, writing, fighting, ruling, walking, etc. While the rod could be used for hitting, it was more frequently used for guiding wandering sheep. The book of Proverbs is one of poetry. It is logical that the writer would have used a well-known tool to form an image of authority.

We believe that this is the point that God makes about the rod in the Bible — parents take charge of your children. It rings true in every instance. While Christians and Jews believe that the Old Testament is the inspired word of God, it is also a historical text that has been interpreted in many ways over the centuries, sometimes incorrectly in order to support the beliefs of the times.

Other parts of the Bible, especially the New Testament, suggest that respect, authority, and tenderness should be the prevailing attitudes toward children among people of faith. In the New Testament, Christ modified the traditional eye-for-an-eye system of justice with His turn-the-other-cheek approach. Christ preached gentleness, love, and understanding, and seemed against any harsh use of the rod, as stated by Paul in 1 Cor.

There are parents who should not spank and children who should not be spanked. Are there factors in your history, your temperament, or your relationship with your child that put you at risk for abusing your child? Are there characteristics in your child that make spanking unwise? If the answer to any of these queries is yes, you would be wise to develop a no-spanking mindset in your home and do your best to come up with noncorporal alternatives.

If you find you are unable to do this on your own, talk with someone who can help you. Children often perceive punishment as unfair. They are more likely to rebel against corporal punishment than against other disciplinary techniques. Children do not think rationally like adults, but they do have an innate sense of fairness—though their standards are not the same as adults.

This can prevent punishment from working as you hoped it would and can contribute to an angry child. Oftentimes, the sense of unfairness escalates to a feeling of humiliation. When punishment humiliates children they either rebel or withdraw. While spanking may appear to make the child afraid to repeat the misbehavior, it is more likely to make the child fear the spanker.

In our experience, and that of many who have thoroughly researched corporal punishment, children whose behaviors are spank-controlled throughout infancy and childhood may appear outwardly compliant, but inside they are seething with anger.

They feel that their personhood has been violated, and they detach themselves from a world they perceive has been unfair to them. They find it difficult to trust, becoming insensitive to a world that has been insensitive to them.

Parents who examine their feelings after spanking often realize that all they have accomplished is to relieve themselves of anger. This impulsive release of anger often becomes addicting—perpetuating a cycle of ineffective discipline. We have found that the best way to prevent ourselves from acting on the impulse to spank is to instill in ourselves two convictions: 1.

That we will not spank our children. That we will discipline them. Since we have decided that spanking is not an option, we must seek out better alternatives. Effective discipline teaches a child new skills and builds their competency and confidence. Spanking degrades trust and self-confidence, while only teaching a child what not to do. Children do what parents do more than what they say.

If you spank your child for hitting their sibling, for example, you're sending a confusing message. Studies have linked the experience of getting spanked to more aggressive behavior, mental health conditions, and other detrimental outcomes for the child similar to the impact of being physically abused. If they have been struck by a parent, a child might think, "I'm bad," and struggle with self-esteem, trust, and mental health issues.

Children feeling shame are not motivated to improve their behavior and begin to feel that they cannot do better. Hitting a child to modify their behavior tells them that they can't learn in a more positive way and don't deserve to be treated respectfully. Gentler discipline techniques are more effective while also building a kid's self-confidence. Instead of helping your child think about what they could do better next time, spanking is more likely to make them angry at their parent.

A more effective discipline strategy includes understanding the reason for the behavior and having that conversation with the child in an authentic and open way.

Punishment is about inflicting discomfort or pain, while discipline is about teaching and guiding. If you have always used spanking to discipline your child, what will you do when they become a teen? Using physical punishment teaches kids that it's OK for the stronger person to hurt someone who does something that they don't like. Spanking employs shame and pain to discourage and punish rather than dealing with the root of the child's behavior.

Only 2. Many discipline strategies are more effective than spanking. If your child colors on the walls, a logical consequence would be to have them wash the walls. This teaches them to have more respect for property. It also sends the message that their misbehavior will have consequences. Restitution helps restore relationships and gives children the chance to learn new skills. The technique can be very effective for aggressive behavior and works well for children and teens of all ages.

Using praise to encourage positive behavior is another effective alternative to spanking. When you catch your child "doing good," make sure they know that you noticed. Kids tend to perform to parents' expectations. It is important that children's sense of self is not lost in parental expectations. Children need to develop a sense of pride in their own behavioral choices that is based on internal motivation, rather than external approval.

The goal of discipline should be to teach your child new skills that will give them the tools necessary to be a responsible adult. When determining which discipline strategies to use, think about what you hope your child will gain from your intervention. Strategies like praise reward your child's positive behavior and build their confidence. Don't do it. Young children are especially fragile because their brains are still developing. Every year, thousands of kids 2 and under are injured -- sometimes killed -- when they are shaken or hit.

Shaken infant syndrome, as doctors call it, most often happens to kids under 1 and sometimes to those under 2. It can cause cerebral hemorrhage, blindness, severe brain damage, and even death. While a significant number of parents still use corporal punishment, recent research shows that the majority are now choosing not to physically discipline their children. In , a survey by the Gallup organization found that 94 percent of parents said they had physically punished their 4- and 5-year-old children, and nearly 30 percent of the parents admitted to hitting children between 5 and 12 with belts, paddles, or other objects.

But a University of Michigan poll suggests a national trend toward non-physical discipline, with just 38 percent of parents saying they are likely to spank or paddle children between the ages of 2 and 5. Spanking may temporarily stop an annoying behavior. But parenting is a long-term proposition, and research shows that in the long-term spanking isn't effective.

Many parents who start spanking soon find they need to up the ante -- to spank more and harder in order to get their child's attention.

Hitting a child while yelling, "this is the only way I can get through to you," becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Many experts have also found that over time, spanking makes a child angry and resentful; he also becomes less -- not more -- willing to do what you ask. That pattern can begin as early as age 1. A study published in the Journal of Developmental Psychology, for instance, found that 1-year-olds who were frequently spanked by their mothers were far more likely to ignore Mom's requests, compared to children who were rarely or never spanked.

It helps to remember that young children, especially 2- and 3-year-olds, are going to push your buttons and test limits -- it's part of their job description. And it's natural for you to get extremely angry with your child sometimes, but if you make an ironclad rule for yourself that you won't hit your child -- ever -- you'll avoid the negative consequences of spanking.

You'll also avoid a situation in which anger can turn a light slap turn into a dangerous blow. Of course, you will still get frustrated and furious at times -- it's inevitable. It helps to remember that it's hard being 2 and 3. One minute, you're all-powerful and can do anything without help. The next minute, you're frustrated, unable to accomplish a simple task, and throwing a toy across the room.

As your child lurches back and forth between being powerful and feeling humiliated, you can help him save face with your understanding and support. If you're the primary caregiver for your child, cultivate friendships with other parents and set up playdates -- they'll give you a break and are a fun way for your child to feel more independent and learn new social skills.

Have friends or family you can call in a pinch, and try to plan some time off for yourself. Many communities have parent talk lines you can call if you're feeling stressed out and fear you might lose your temper.

Your pediatrician or your birth hospital can help you find one. One minute, your new skills make you feel all-powerful and confident. The next minute, you're frustrated by a difficult task and throwing a toy across the room in a tantrum. Your job as a parent is to help him save face and learn how to manage those difficult feelings. Try operating at your child's pace when possible rather than trying to force him to move at yours. Be as flexible as you can, but be unyielding on the important things, especially issues of safety.

When you feel you must "punish" your child, remember that, in his eyes, your disapproval or anger is the heaviest punishment of all. And any punishment you do mete out should be immediate, because a child this young can't think about later consequences, only what's happening right here and now. So if he misbehaves in the morning, don't tell him he can't watch a video that night.